Off Ice: My Top 10 Epic Cheesy Lawyers and Their Commercials

Update: I saw that Attorney Brian Loncar passed away in November. Rest in Peace, Mr. Loncar.

Welcome friends! This is my first Off Ice, or non-skating post. For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about cheesy lawyer commercials lately. I'm originally from Houston and now live in Huntsville, Alabama, and I have been comparing and contrasting the lawyer commercials. I majored in marketing in college and I am fascinated by how they got these ideas. I then expanded the search to the rest of the country. The north and west certainly have their piece in the cheese too! Here are the 10 (ok, maybe more than 10) I found funny, stupid, just plain odd, and amazingly awesome.

#10. Attorney Bruce Flint (Dallas/Fort Worth, TX)

They break out into a rap, and then a concert! The graphics are pretty cool though. It's a catchy tune that will definitely stick with you.

#9. Attorney Ralph P. Chaulmers

Wow...where to begin....
First, I'm not even sure if this is real or fake. My favorite is the clip about "various other animal bites". "I took the bar so you don't have to be behind bars!" is another good one. With all the cheesy turns and stares, it is easy to see why the ad firm used this as a bad example.

Moving on, we have a quadruple whammy here!

#8. Attorney Charles Pittman (Huntsville, AL), Attorney Jeff Weinstein (Dallas/Fort Worth, TX), Attorney Corey Gomel (Houston, TX) and Attorney Glen Lerner (Las Vegas, NV)

Watch all of these...

Charles Pittman

Jeff Weinstein

Corey Gomel

Glen Lerner

Well I'm sure that felt like watching the same thing 4 times! How to they all have the same song! That jingle writer must be making bank! I will admit the Transformer truck in Jeff Weinstein's ad was pretty cool.

#7. Attorney Brian Loncar (Dallas/Fort Worth, TX)

I will admit, I have always wanted to drive a tank. People would get the hell out of my way then! I could also have any parking spot I wanted.

#6. Spencer & Associates (Milwaukee, WI)

The original video for this was kind of boring, but the "Make it Rain" song was added on this one, making it much more amusing.

#5. 1-800-Victim 2 (NYC, The Bronx, and Queens, NY)

I have 2 videos for this one. One of the description said this was the worst commercial ever, on at 3 in the morning. I could see how these would be much more entertaining in a sleep deprived or intoxicated state.

The squirrel seems happier in the second one with his jaunty rap and dancing.

We are on the final stretch now! Here are some commercials you are sure to remember!

#4. Attorney Daniel Meussig (Pittsburgh, PA)

I was really shocked the first time I saw this ad. I thought he was just letting scumbag criminals run free everywhere! Then I saw it was a satire and thought it was brilliant. It is certainly memorable. He has another video where he explains the rationale for this ad. It is quite long, but he goes into detail about reaching a younger demographic through social media.

#3. BRIAN WILSON, THE TEXAS LAW HAWK , Attorney at Law (Dallas/Fort Worth, TX)

Why is this in all caps? You'll see...

A lot of people wondered if this commercial was fake, but it is real! Also quite hilarious! Brian Wilson, the Texas Law Hawk, almost won it all, but there are 2 more which more wealth of experience that beat him out. I love the loudness, the bombast, and the cheesy skits. It appears his marketing strategy is also similar to that of Daniel Meussig, creating a funny video that goes viral to reach a target demographic.

Brian Wilson, the Texas Law Hawk! Talons of justice (caww)! The real star here is that adorable puppy, which is his dog.

#2. Attorney Alexander Shunnarah (Alabama)

Here is the attorney who is taking over Alabama:

Alexander Shunnarah's advertisements have become so prevalent in Alabama that it has become a game. On road trips, you can count all the Alexander Shunnarah billboards you see. It can also make a good drinking game every time you see his commercials on TV. Many believe that his billboards will survive the apocalypse.

While these are all great, there can only be one winner, and that winner could only be...

#1. Attorney Jim Adler, The Texas Hammer (Houston, TX)

Jim Adler has been advertising in Houston for as long as I can remember. He used to be "The Tough Smart Lawyer" (because no one wants a weak, stupid lawyer), and then he changed to the iconic "Texas Hammer". There are so many ads I could pull up for him, so I'll just pick a few of the best.

"I'm a barn-burning big truck beating hammer!"

In this one he gets "meaner than a junkyard dog".

This one is a gem here:

This one had my family laughing for quite awhile...I'm waiting!

He is even passing on the hammer to the next generation. His son Bill Adler has joined the firm:

Stop! Hammer Time! He should do a new commercial with MC Hammer! OMG I need to come up with this idea! I'll be rich, I tell ya!

All of these ads are also in Spanish, where Jim Adler is know as "El Martillo Tejano".

Besides these hilarious ads, there is a reason Jim Adler is #1. As cheesy as it sounds, he reminds me of my youth and good times with the family. We are all sitting around watching TV and we start cracking up. Even the little moments with family become the big things as time goes on.

Thanks for reading my diversion. I'll be back soon with more skating costumes and wonderful moments!